Warriors: The Mentally Advanced Series
by Dyafuit
Summary: This is a lobotomized, psychedelic version of Warriors, plus Satanism and non-discriminatory Nazis, except for Whitestorm. Whitestorm gets what's coming though…
1. Chapter 1

Rusty walked up to the glass pane and watched the sunset with his slave, Smokey. He then told Smokey to go fetch him some human organs. He then started munching on them. Smokey looked in disgust at his master and walked away.

Rusty slowly fell asleep. As he slept, he dreamt he reigned over twoleg and cat alike. He controlled everything. As he woke up, he convulsed with disappointment.

"Smokey!" Rusty yelled as his slave was finishing a pentagram,"I need to rip your back to pieces."

The slave walked over. He winced in pain as Rusty scratched him. Rusty told him to scram. Rusty pondered how he could do this. He got an idea. He decided to become part of the lowly forest cats.

He would rule over them. He ran away. Away from Smokey, who was finishing up his pentagram, away from Princess, a shallow idiot of a sister, away from his twolegs in their puny exchangeable furs.

He spotted a forest cat. He responded by beating the snot out of it. It was a small grey cat, his age. All of a sudden, he felt claws from behind. As he turned around, he saw a large white tom called "Whitestorm" by the scars on his side.

Whitestorm screamed in a heavy German accent "YOU DAMN RED JEW! YOU KILLED THE FINEST OF OUR SOLDIERS."

The Nazi then murmured something about the Gestapo taking "the Jew" to Bluestar. They walked for three hours. The Nazi then halted at a large clearing surrounded by a thorn bush. On the entrance was inscribed "Arbeit Macht Frei". All of the inhabitants were relatively skinny and weary.

One appeared to be staring at his collar. Without warning, it lunged at him and, with insane beast in it's eyes, tried to kill him. Rusty avoided, but his long tail kept getting in the way. Rusty bit it off. The cat exploded.

Rusty was no longer a ginger now, but had scarlet shined fur. Then camp warden named him Firepaw, and since it had turned Whitestorm into a Ginger, they took him away. Apparently, this was not a Jewish concentration camp, it was a multi-ethnic concentration camp, to avoid racial discrimination.

It was run by the psychotic ruler Bluestar. She was apparently the camp's leader. She toured him around the Concentration Camp. He was shown the Ginger corridor, where they worked as mice canners.

They canned mice really fast! It was going at 16 cans a minute, and most of the could do it. Then came the gray people, who were working at an enormous moss farm. Apparently, they hadn't had an accident for the past 3 days. He didn't know how, and didn't care how they got in a moss farming accident. Then he saw they whips in the corner.

Bluestar then showed him the "special talents room" which was really a huge boarding school for the cats who had no muscle. There was Sandpaw, the Gestapo leader's brat, Dustpaw, the Gestapo leader's best student, and a black furred big kid with some kind of mental issues. Then he saw the grey cat he had hurt.

The cat walked up and said "hello, I am Thrackerzod. Before I possess-er met you properly, you beat me half to death. Now, let us be normal and have friendship! After all, forgiveness is normal, correct?"

Firepaw replied "I suppose, funny you should ask."

Thrackerzod then led Firepaw to the dormitories. Their floor was 6. Firepaw picked 6-5-4, and and his new friend picked 6-6-6. Firepaw lay down on the moss to discover the black furred tom from earlier just arriving.

The tom got a deer in the headlights look and stuttered "h-hi! I'm Ravenppppaw! Ni-Nice to meet you."

Firepaw said "Hello, Ravenpaw! I'm Rusty! Who is your mentor-trainer-thing?"

Ravenpaw stuttered "Tiiiigerrcccclaw".

Firepaw then saw all of the posters in Ravenclaw's room. They all had to do with Tigerclaw always watching. He snorted a little.

"Are you seriously daft enough to think Tigerclaw always watches you? He's not big brother, but he is big. I mean, when Hell freezes over he'll put away that twinkie." Firepaw retorted.

Ravenpaw fainted.

As Firepaw went to his moss, he felt a calling. Then he got hit by a rock from the window. He saw Thrackerzod down below.

Thrackerzod yelled "is it not normal for apprentices in dormitories to play pranks on people?"

Firepaw rolled his eyes. "Yes it is, but I don't want to get on that witch's bad side."

Thrackerzod then threw a rock that made Firepaw fall out. He landed on two feet (unsurprisingly) and snuck off to throw eggs at moss workers. Then their boss yelled at the workers for not producing their quota of un-eggy moss. However, he felt it and discovered that it made the moss smoother. He ordered their quota doubled and made eggy.

If you ever encounter Eggy brand moss bedding, you know where it came from. Thank you Thrackerzod and Firepaw for such a marvelous example of youth today.

Let this be a lesson: egging poor people helps the economy. So does stoning people.


	2. Chapter 2

And it came to pass that the three young cats called Firepaw, Ravenpaw, and Thrackerzod became best friends who were bent on destroying the world (at least Thrackerzod and Firepaw). They grew in size and stature and evil.

Then, they were shown by their mentors how to cross the Thunderpath. Lionheart walked across and got run over. Firepaw did it and was just fine. He dragged Lionheart's body to be used in a Satanic ritual.

Thrackerzod was taught to run across, but he used his special powers to float across. His mentor promptly fainted.

Thrackerzod then stopped when he was assured that it was not normal claiming "adolescence does weird things to one's body, correct?"

Tigerclaw used Ravenpaw as a shield from monsters. Ravenpaw nearly got hit by a bicycle, and was emotionally scarred from the experience. Tigerclaw then scolded Ravenpaw for being too weak and pinned him to the ground. He was molested and then set free, though shivering.

As they walked back to camp, they announced the deputy was dead. Everyone blamed it on Ravenpaw. Thrackerzod and Firepaw helped him escape in exchange for his soul and front left big toe. As zombie Ravenpaw mindlessly walked out of camp, Thrackerzod made Firepaw perform the ritual.

Firepaw screamed

"Santo Rita Mita Meada Ringo Jonah Tito Marlon Jack La Toya Janet Michael Dumbledora The Explorer Santo Rita Mita Meada Ringo Jonah Tito Marlon Jack La Toya Janet Michael Dumbledora The Explorer I've summoned you from the depths of hell SHOW YOURSELF!"

As demon crawled out of the portal, Firepaw felt Satan calling him into Hell with Thrackerzod. Satan thanked Firepaw and Thrackerzod. Apparently, Thrackerzod was a demon.

Firepaw yelled "SWEET! My best friend is a demon!"

Satan said their work was not done yet. Thrackerzod would have to stay in his body for 96 more moons. Thrackerzod looked disappointed, but then he got an idea!

"What if we rule the clans and eventually and steal all their souls!"

"Good idea Thrackerzod, we should trick them slowly. Now, we just have to get Bluestar's approval!"

As they walked through the portal, they found nothing had really changed. It turns out the demons had gone out to America to establish "the Demonkratik party". They also wanted cheeseburgers and coke-both kinds. This disappointed Thrackerzod that he was stranded, but he went along with it.

They went to the rubber piggy factory to apply for managerial positions. They both got jobs with their threats to summon more demons. They were cruel slavedrivers they increased the quotas and made them unscrew 1000 medicine caps every time they were under it. The factory was very sucessful.

They soon met the requirements to become warriors and were transferred from the old dormitory to a new one that looked like a potato. Strangely, they all called it the carrot, except for Thrackerzod, who squealed. Apparently, demons are deathly afraid of potatoes.

Fireheart, as he was now called, lay down on his Eggy (TM) brand moss and fell asleep. He had a seance with Thrackerzod and found out he had to burn down the whole camp to succeed in becoming Führer. It showed the demons marching in and doing the rest, and his eternal reward as heir to throne of Hell.

As he awoke, he started to save for some matches, which cost 1000 dollars, despite laborers getting 3 cents for each one. In the mean time, Lionheart's body, which was tenderizing in the fridge, was set up to create a synthetic merkaba. When it reached midnight, he would become more powerful than before.

Then, he read the disclaimer and found out that it only gives you a 50% power increase, not 5 times that like he was promised. He didn't have a phone anymore (he lost it in hell), so he couldn't ask for a refund. He gave it to Thrackerzod as a gift.

Thrackerzod greedily ate the warrior. He licked his lips and started to have a seizure. He was suddenly overtaken by the host.

"My… name is Graypaw… I was possessed by Thrackerzod after you injured me… hellpp… GAHHHHH!" Graypaw left and Thrackerzod returned.

Thrackerzod said "he's such an annoying meatbeast."

They both truly slept that night,waiting for the right time to strike.


	3. Chapter 3

Fireheart got up with Thrackerzod. He had saved about 1000 dollars now. As he set the town aflame. Bodies were smoking everywhere as he saw Satan come marching with his dæmons. He bowed down as he himself was transformed into a dæmon. He led Satan's armies to ShadowClan.

Brokenstar gave in fairly quickly. Now it was on to London. The Prime Minister gave her best fight, even mentioning something about not yet having fought, but eventually gave in. The U.N. Unanimously decided to let Satan control us all. Now get back to worth you worthless slaves! I, Heterica, Lord of Hellshire have the power to turn your skin inside out!


End file.
